she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just pee around me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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