Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
