He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
not ubering you a puppy
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize