he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
