i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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