this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
