conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize