You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
