If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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