i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
