when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dick very happy bro
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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