The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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