At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize