Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
