I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
