I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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