i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
zippers are such a cool invention
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
