I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
