I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
