anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
