I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
