Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
