we're chasing vodka with high fives
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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