just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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