my room smells like sperm. sweet.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
