Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
