Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize