kristin has been a bad kristin
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
