No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
