She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
