i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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