so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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