she smelled like a LAN party
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Two words: blizzard sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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