Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
