He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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