Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
