OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Mom said you looked used
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
