So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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