HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
