His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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