I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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