i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
