This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
