if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there was a trapeze. enough said
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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