Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
