I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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