i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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