you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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