ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Couch. On fire.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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