I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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