the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bring me that man meat
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
