My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
