I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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