having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
