I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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