He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
