he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize