Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
