I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
